fighting your traits
Follow your passions, your skillsets, and your loves! Because we want to get more of that into your day. However, there are also useful ways to press against that idea. Barry Friedman, a law professor friend at NYU, consistently suggests to his first-year students that they fight their traits. He means, among other things, that the quiet students should practice speaking up and the gunners should practice shutting up.
While I’m not suggesting that you spend your day in misery—far from it—finding ways to stretch in areas outside your comfort zone is a worthy practice.
One of the eight-year-olds in my life, when asked to write the grocery list, said, “I’m not so good at spelling, Nana,” and she’s right. She’s not.
Yet.
She will be. Because she will keep practicing.
It’s been worth it to push against my own preferences. I’m never going to love math, but I’ve learned enough to manage a profit and loss statement and understand the basics of financial management. I’ve learned to temper my urge to put people at ease and let them make their own way. And my longing to stay home with a book and a cup of tea is often overcome by the joy of social engagement.
Yes, keep doing what you love. But also lean against your inclinations and practice new approaches. Question it if you have the urge to:
Let someone else take the credit for your work OR take the credit for an entire team’s labor.
Deflect a genuine compliment OR deflect a thoughtful complaint.
Say yes to a commitment from a knee-jerk desire to please OR say no automatically rather than assessing possibilities.
Do the assignment yourself rather than communicating about the issues OR trust someone else to tackle a task you’re better placed to handle.
And it’s okay if you never really learn to spell “brokly.” It’s worth the energy to make the attempt.
