small talk: making it bigger
Upon meeting people, what face do you show them? Do you tell the truth about yourself? I find myself at events and dinner parties talking about the same old stuff. Most people want to know what I do for a living. Then I ask them what they do for a living. What I really want to know about them is the stuff they don't volunteer. What's your favorite part about how you spend your day? What do you do for fun? What have you learned about yourself in the last year? What regrets do you have and how are you addressing them now? What scares you?
Those are tricky questions because the answers demand something from us, an authenticity usually masked by social convention. Do we really want to share those things? But think about how much more interesting and memorable a conversation would be if people shared some genuine slice of themselves instead of the pro forma oatmeal we usually dish out.What if you sat next to someone who engaged with you about this kind of stuff instead?
1. When I say that my kids have been and are my best teachers, I’m not kidding. Both Matt and Robyn have characteristics and attributes that I’ve been trying all my life to emulate.
2. I know that it’s not possible to be selfish and be happy at the same time. But I still try.
3. I love the fragrant tender crunch of a perfectly toasted grilled cheese sandwich.
4. When I was a teen-ager, I put iodine in baby oil, slathered it all over myself and baked in the sun wearing very little else. Even if I die tomorrow of completely unrelated causes, you should know it’s really the only thing I regret doing in my life.
5. I got married when I was 18 and divorced ten years later. I’m deeply grateful for my friendship with my ex-husband and for his influence on me.
6. Experience is what I got when I didn’t get what I wanted. Sometimes I just don’t want any more experience.
7. My mother died when I was 14 years old. My best friend died when I was 36 years old. I think when people tell you that you get over these things, they’re lying.
8. My favorite music is that really old corny wailin’ classic country stuff. And I’m mostly not embarrassed to admit it.
9. I get car sick. Once when I was seven, I tried to open the window of the car to throw up, but I sort of missed and it went down both the insides and the outsides of the window. I hate throwing up more than anything else I can think of right now.
10. The capacity to make me laugh is a more valuable trait in a man than being rich or good-looking.
11. Being demented scares me much more than being dead.
12. I’m impatient. I interrupt too much. And I’m working on it, okay?
13. After all the work I’ve done in therapy and in prayer and in my daily life, nothing really changed about any situation but the way I looked at it.
14. I travelled to all seven continents during the last decade and …well, I really like my apartment.
15. I’ve looked around some and figured out that you don’t have to be behind bars to die in prison.
I want everyone I come into contact with to genuinely feel like their lives have been changed for the better because of me, even in a small way. I know it’s a big mission and I probably shouldn’t take myself so seriously. But hey, why not give it a shot?
