your ocean

I often think of the parable about a little fish swimming next to a big fish. "Tell me about the ocean, please," the little fish asked the big fish.  The big fish swam on in silence.  "Please tell me about the ocean," the little fish begged, "You have been around so long and you know so much!"  The big fish swam on in silence.  The little fish twirled with impatience, "Oh, you have no idea how much I want to know about the ocean! Please tell me what it's like!"

Finally the big fish turned slowly and said, "You are swimming in it right now."

Sometimes the best argument for a 360-degree assessment is that we simply don't see what we don't see, even when it's right in front of us, even when we're surrounded by it.

Recently, I've been dabbling with a new activity, one that is so unfamiliar to me that I've had to grapple with being completely…well, at sea.  One night I shared this experience with my daughter as we sat in the dark, rocking her twin babies to sleep.  We chatted.  "I've learned so much about myself in this process," I told her, "I had no idea that —” and I explained what I had figured out. She laughed out loud in the darkness. "Mom," she said gently, "I've known this all my life about you. Everyone knows this. We all just wonder how it is that you don't know this."

You are swimming in it right now.

A client told me after a recent intake session that he had no idea that a certain characteristic of his was so visible to others. How did you know this about me? he wondered a little nervously, as though he thought I was psychic. It was almost comical. How could I not know? It was as evident to the observant eye as his hair color.

How best do you start to get a vision of what you don't see?  Ask questions of yourself and others. Put yourself into situations where other people can give you feedback. Get really brave about dropping into unfamiliar situations so you can experience yourself from the world's perspective. Then you start to get some sense of your own ocean, or to use another metaphor, a vision of your blind spots from the rear view mirror. It's that character flaw that everyone knows you have. It's that skill set you don't even recognize, but it fuels your success. It's the persistent mood in which you live. It's the temporary situation that's become permanent. It's the understanding you have of the world that you assume everyone shares. Getting a look at blind spots takes some intention and effort  (there's a reason they're called blind spots), but it's always just a little safer to have the knowledge.